‘Twas the trip before Christmas, as I knocked on Tom’s door,
The deadlines were stirring, so we numbered just 4;
A go-pro was stuck to Jethro’s helmet with care,
In hopes that eventually Glen would be here:
The gear was all nestled, for some shopping we fled
Where visions of salmon roasts went through our heads
But instead we got cava, and pizza’s to flaunt
And we all settled down for a long winter’s jaunt
When we got to the farm, we were met with Leeds’ chatter.
We set up our beds and went for a natter.
In the morning we all awoke in a flash,
When someone opened the curtains, so to breakfast we dashed
The lane and the hills were all covered in snow
Twas so beautiful, we thought that we promptly should go
Our plan was to head from Top to Lancaster,
Leave it rigged for Leeds, which would make us much faster,
With our exit rigged too, we’d be so lively and quick
“But we don’t know the route” was the only hitch
With paper and pencil, a summary we made,
We condensed it, and wrote it, we called sections by name
“Now, Passage! Now, Pitches! Now, Limerick Junction!
Through Squeezes ! Easter Grotto! Nagasaki Cavern!
To the top of the climb! to the end of the crawl!
Through the stream-way, then we know the way to the end of it all!
Heated floors make changing much less of a chore,
When your kit was in the car all the night before
So off to the hill-top our merry bunch flew
With their suits full of chocolate, and the go-pro too.
The snow was all twinkling, then from the front of our row
Came laughing and smashing from Tom and Jethro
As I approached, Tom picked an icy chunk
And down on my head it came with a ‘Thunk’
But revenge as they say is a dish best served cold
With icicle javelins and snowballs all the way to the hole
With no ice in the valley remaining intact,
Wish we’d noted the description, but we found Top sink at last
The entrance — how it dripped! The The scaff’, how slippy
The passage was narrow, the rocks not very grippy,
The side of your head might not be best for a Go-Pro
As the rifts were less wide than Jethro,
The pitches we found were slightly more wide,
So footage was not just of someone’s behind
To a chamber of pretties we took a detour,
The continued on down through a hole in the floor
“Yes, this is the route”, as the group we met say
So we headed on down towards the stream-way
Second on the left, should be heading downstream
But wait, this heads back up, something’s not as it seems.
After some time in the water, heading back and forth
Voices approached, it was the group from before.
“You’re ahead of yourself, you’ve been past that bit,
your route was on the right, and you walked straight past it!”
Back on track, the size of the chambers redoubled
We continued over monstrous piles of rubble
“This must be wrong again”, as Glen went down a crawl
While Jethro and I played hangman on the floor
At the base of a ladder we found most of Leeds,
Then to base of the pitch and we were ready to leave
Back to the farm, the pizzas were eaten
With jealousy from Leeds, whose soup was thoroughly beaten
Jethro and Brendan are one is the conclusion,
So they swapped, well, everything, and caused much confusion
Then smashing good time was had by all,
So come Sunday, no caving, let’s go for a walk.
So we packed up the car and drove into the night,
“Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.”